After years of one-sided commitment, revisiting her hit song Casual finally gave me a reality check‘Sadie,” I say. “I would call our daughter Sadie. Or I like Leo for a boy.” I’ve been on the phone for two and a half hours, speaking about our hypothetical children to a man who has explicitly said that he does not want a relationship. At the same time, he’s said things like: “I told my mum about you. She wants to meet you.” When he makes those comments, I can’t help dreaming – in the words of a certain song – of us in a year: maybe we’ll have an apartment, and he’d show me off to his friends at the pier?That’s the fantasy Chappell Roan imagines in her 2022 hit Casual. My own vision looks a little different: instead of a pier there is an apartment (where the now familiar sound of his key in the door still excites me), and his friends say things like: “I’ve never seen him act like this with anyone else before.” But crucially, in this fantasy, we’ve made a commitment to each other. The first time I heard Casual, I was in a committed relationship. I listened to it often, singing along loudly in the bedroom I shared with my boyfriend to “Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you’re eating me out”. (Roan was nervous about that line – “it’s crass,” she said – but fans loved it.) I also loved the song’s sense of unrequited yearning, but I couldn’t really relate to it. Not yet. Continue reading...